Me, myself and I

I have a friend who is currently in the dumps as he feels betrayed by the one he loves. As a person, he wanted a companion to be with him through thick and thin, till death do you part. However, things did not go as planned and now he feels he's alone. Alone in this world of uncertainties.

He is not alone, as he has friends who cares ( and I am one of them). Maybe we cannot give the support a lover can but we still care. I am one who believes we are the master of our own happiness and destiny. We dictate what would affect and weakens us. WE! I!

Therefore, the comes the statement " Me, myself and I"... It is my motto in life. After a few life changing experiences and relationships... being crushed to the core and having to pick up the pieces of my life and soul I decided that enough was enough. My happiness should not be dictated by people around me, it should be by me. If a person makes me sad and unhappy then they should not be in my life...

Now, I am a selfish b%tch... an ice-queen. But who cares what people say.

As for my friend, I hope he pulls through this.It is a rough road ahead I must admit. But then that is what makes us a better person

For my friend

A friend asked for my opinion in some matters of the heart. Complicated matters which is therefore never straightforward. It is not a matter of black or white nor yes or no.

I may be the person's friend but when I am asked such matters I cannot based my decision on my friend. I need to take into account every possible reasons of what has happen. And tell my opinion based on what is the truth. I may have acted unmerciful and blunt when saying what I said.

But then, I guess it is my responsibility as a confidante, as a friend, if being blunt is what it takes for me to get it through the thick skull (maybe whacking with a mallet would be more fruitful) then I have to do it.

There comes a time when a person has to do what a person has to do. It may not be what other people expect of them but then, the decision-maker would have to live with the end results. It may not be a fairytale but then at the crossroads not one would know the final outcome. Retrospective analysis is a futile exercise except to prevent similar mistakes but the most important thing is to make the best out of everything.

So to my dear frind, I know what I say may be hurtful, but I do care and I hope you will pull through this.

ungu-kekasih gelapku

What does this song mean?

This is my intepretation.

A guy is in a relationship with a woman which he truly loves. However, because of circumstances he is unable to reveal or profess his love to anyone but her. She thus has to stay in the shadows of his life.

Don't know why but I am depressed

Melayu Baru

With regards to my previous post, let me tell a brief story of the old frail lady. She has been bedridden for a long time and is taken care of by her one daughter. She has many other children but all were too busy with their work and family to look after her.

Anyway, she developed an infection and gangrane of her foot about a week back. Her daughter wanted to bring her to the hospital but her siblings refused as they asked her to wait till after Raya. But since the foot got worse and became smelly, she was adamant and thus came into our care.

This was the story given to us by her daughter

I am so sad that this is happening to this lady, majority of her family members can't be bothered to look after her.... she would be sad too if she was mentally lucid.

And what is this attitude of after Raya... what is the great deal with Raya, bloody hell they rather have a decomposing corpse at home so that everyone can be there happy there together taking photos with the ailing grandmother.. Or is it that having her in the hospital is so inconvenient and spoils everyone's holiday plan?

During Chinese New Year we see the trend where parents are pushed to the hospital to stay while their family goes off holidaying... those who have served in the ER of government hospitals would know... but are the Malays following suit???

I may rambling about something that I may be totally wrong about. I know nothing about this lady nor her family and thus may have gotten it all wrong. But assuming my assumptions are right, what is happening to the so-called caring Malay society??

How do you decide??

Life as a doctor is pretty mundane...Day in day out you will do almost the same thing, rounds at 8am, clinic at 10...blah..blah..blah But there are occasions like this past week where it has been an adrenaline rush. It is meant not in a good way. As I mentioned earlier, there has been an exodus of patients to the ER over this week... and this is not yet Raya. But what I am rambling about is not on how busy it will be etc etc etc....

I have been practicing medicine for the past 8 years.... but one thing I have never gotten the hang off is how make the decision whether to go for active resuscitation of a patient or not. Tonight I have been ask to make that call. A new admission who is elderly and has multiple medical problems was admitted with gas gangrane (a potentially fatal infection) of the leg. She has been bedridden for months and is taken care of by the daughter. Anyway, her pressure crashed tonight as she was in sepsis. My medical officer after resuscitating her called me to make the decision for active resuscitation or not.

Ah, I was in two minds. First and foremost I have no idea of the patient and her social support and thus can I make the decision there and then. I asked for active resuscitation but went myself to asses the situation. There lie a frail looking lady gasping for air.

Ah...shit.... next running through my mind is her quality of life.... can I ever improve it? Should I prolong her life in this current vegetative state? But then who am I to make the decision? Is the family accepting her very ill condition? Things like cost and quality of life is something hard for me to quantitate. 8 years never got me comfortable in making that decision. If I know the patient longer perhaps I wouldn't hesitate but this lady is 'new' to me.

We sent her to ICU. There I met her daughter who was crying away. I saw the old lady in the ICU.... we intubated her. Now I feel guilty, I should have the guts to say NO. I am making her miserable, but how can I let go. Ah I don't know, I don't know, I don't know...

And now at 1.30 I cannot sleep... I have done her wrong. If I was in her shoes I would want people to let me go and die in peace.... Ah......Life is depressing...

My first love

Had to have this last night.... pucuk paku goreng. This was the 1st dish I ever learnt to make. As a 9 year old I would pester mom to make this (hmmm to think about it... this was my first favourite dish ...ever)... Anyway, mom told me if I like it so much I have to learn how to make it myself.... and thus my subsequent love with cooking. After that, whenever anyone had a craving for this I was the official cook...

Drive Safely

It has been a busy weekend and I have another two days to go before I finish my call. When my colleague Su told me that oncall in the puasa month is horrendous with severe injuries and bad accidents.. The past three days proved that.

Today tops it up. At about 6.30 pm I received a call from my MO informing me there has been an accident involving a family of 5. What made me really sad was this incident involved kids of 4 years, 3 years and 5 month. The father had spinal injury and may be paraplegic after this. ahhh...such a young family. What i cannot tahan the most is hearing the baby cry and cry...

I am so sad.

When I hear the radio advert on to be safe on the road I usually laugh... but it is true. It is usually the ones around us that is affected when we drive carelessly or when we are involved in an accident.

So dearest friends,

Drive defensively, drive safely
Take a break when you need it
Hope you will reach your destination and back safely

Selamat Balik Kampung
SElamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Cute butt guy (Part Two)

Seademon put up a photo of a butt in his blog...It was butt ugly... So I decided to google for the nicest butt and I found a site that claims to have the nicest butt on the net.

This is the best male butt so far

Book Tag

Seademon tagged me. Thank you dear,

30 books I have read, I have read loads more but I just can't remember their titles.....Haven't read any fiction for the past 4 years...should start back

1. The hobbit -JRR Tolkien
2.3.4. Lord of the rings - JRR Tolkien
5. Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stone
6. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
7. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
8.. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
9. Patriot Games - Tom Clancy
10. Clear And Present Danger - Tom Clancy
11. The Sum Of All Fears - Tom Clancy
12. Debt of Honor - Tom Clancy

By Agatha Christie
13. The Man in the Brown Suit
14. The Secret of Chimneys
15.Murder on the Orient Express
16.Why Didn't They Ask Evans?
17. The A.B.C. Murders
18. N or M?
19. The Hollow

By Sir Authur Conan Doyle
20.The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
21. The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes
22. The Hound of the Baskervilles
23. The Return of Sherlock Holmes

By Roald Dahl
24. James and the Giant Peach
25. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
26. Matilda
27. Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life: The Country Stories of Roald Dahl
28. The Best of Roald Dahl

29. Diving in Malaysia - Kurt Scrvula
30. Guide to underwater photography - Micheal Aw

Everybody Lies

I love watching Dr House. What I like the most in the 1st Season was his outpatient consultations... how he diagnoses people by just looking at them. Wish I was that talented.

Anyway, occasionally things happen at work and this would lit up that tiny corner of my brain where I store my Dr House memories... My favourite line "Everybody Lies"... my brain blinks almost daily of this quote in my practice... yeah everyone lies....

Anyway, got new season of House on Astro, that is if I ever find the channel (who's great idea was it to change the channel numberings???)

Bored again...(Part Two)

I must say...sedap!!!

p.s. did this during oncall... heheheheh

Bored again...

Temerloh Candy Cookies

Right now I am making my usual Raya treat.... Kuih Tat... teaching my colleague Su how to make in exchange of learning how to make the Indonesian layered cake...
Will put up photos later

Bored...bored to death

Chocolate chip cookies
Freshly baked (Out of oven 10.30pm)

For straight females only (Part 2)

- As requested -

Angka Sawan....

This was taken from the Angkasawan Blog http://www.angkasawan.com.my/blog/index.php?itemid=38#more

Aug 28, 11:26:09 AM LILY wrote:

this pantun is SPECIALLY DEDICATED TO DR SHEIKH MUSZAPHAR SHUKOR

DR SHEIKH MUSZAPHAR JEJAKA TAMPAN
MENJADI IDOLA SETIAP PEREMPUAN
BERUSAHA GIGIH MENGGAPAI IMPIAN
UNTUK MENJADI SEORANG ANGKASAWAN

Hmmmm... idola setiap perempuan...I don't think so!!!! Doesn't she realise he is too happy to notice any women interested in him....

Anyway, still hoping one of the members of the 1st crew has diarrhoea, or fever...etc and thus up goes the 1st group... SUPPORT CAPT DR FAIZ......

For straight females only

This is specially for guile, sexy guys are good to look at (and drool over)... Btw, have you noticed the damn good looking ones are always tanned and dark haired... (or maybe it's just me....).. *drool* *drool* *drool*

To comfort always

"To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always."

Hippocrates

Yippie...something to be happy about

This was my buka today.... Lamb chops with salad and baked potatoes....

But that is not the reason I am happy.... My camera is back and it's now working well. Sent it to Olympus and it cost me RM 385 to repair...yeah..yeah..yeah...people tell me it's cheaper to get a new one...but if I change my camera I have to also change my underwater setup...ahhh... cannot afford that in the near future...

This means, more underwater photos soon... Perhentian..here I come... OOoooooOOoooo... that's only 23 days away.... ah... I am almost narc on the surface...need to get underwater soooonnnn...

My next year holidays

Ah... a new year means another 30 days to go for trips....What's lined up..

January 7th to 12 (4days' leave) - Lankayan Island - diving trip

April - dates to be confirmed - Redang, 2 Irish brothers are coming to do their OWD... I am tagging along..hehehe

May - can I go to Aberdeen and visit Saliha??? Wish to see the Queen Mothers Hospital in Glassgow where I was born.

July - Dive medicine course by the Navy. They said this coming year will be in Semporna... 2 weeks..hopefully boss agrees...

the later half.... not yet planned...but maybe just short trips around peninsular... furthermore, need to keep time for the Divemaster training...