Confused sexuality

I am not homophobic. I have known people who are gay and are great friends with them. I respect their choices and I do not hold it against them.

However, it does not mean I am liberal in my sexual orientation. I am straight, very straight. I like men, I love men, I enjoy being in the company of men and no amount of seducing by a hot sexy babe can change that.

So when a woman approaches me in a manner I felt was sexual, I cringe. I feel disgusted, I feel nauseated. I used to think I would feel honored if I managed to attract women but then, now it has happened it doesn’t feel that way.

A woman at work has been calling and sending me text messages wanting to get to know me. Initially she was anoynomous, she first approached me via text messages a few months back and I wrongly assumed that it was a man bothering me. I did my ‘ignore-and-do not answer’ method of brushing aside such unwanted advanced and it was quiet till past two weeks.

However, I guess her being exasperated at my silence she became bold. The woman. asked one of my medical officers to formally introduce us and thus my current situation. It is too embarrassing to put in detail. Suffice to say, if I didn’t know it was a woman I would think that a man was trying to woo me. Perhaps I misunderstood and the woman genuinely wants to be my friend. However, being a ‘relationship expert’ makes me certain that the language used in the communication is not based on pure unconditional friendship.

It crossed my mind to ask which part of me attracted a lesbian? Is it because of my tomboyish nature, thus being a 50% male? Or is it because I have big boobs? I reckon if I was a real lesbian I would go for those hot curvaceous bootylicious and ‘boobylicious’ South American women instead of a butch or ‘penkid’. Thus brings me to another question: if I was in such a relationship, an I the male or the female of the relationship?

Now, the reality is the woman asked me out for dinner tonight.

And facts are, ONE: she has mentioned twice she likes me and TWO: twice mentioned she misses me. Ah crap, it is really disgusting!

My close friends find this absolutely funny, a few of them were rolling on the ground when I told them of my predicament. Some were curious which part of me attracted a lesbian, others volunteered to buy me an artificial penis in order for me to satisfy my ‘partner’… euwwww. And ALL the guys wanted me to get the woman naked and take photos of her, perverts!!!!

Well, if it happened to one of you guys I too would have joined in and roll on the ground, so I have to admit this is one hilarious scenario. But for now, my brain is on over-time thinking of how to get myself out of this mess. Any ideas?