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Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Emergency Room

The good ol' days

Location: A&E Department, Government Hospital in Malaysia

The medical officer just started his graveyard shift at 12 midnight. There are two of them on duty at night. He prays for a quiet night. Past few days have been absolutely crazy. The two officers just cannot cope with the amount of motor-vehicle accidents and the number of polytrauma patients that they generate. And it is not just that, it is usually in the middle of the night that family members bring their ill relatives. Relatives who had been ill for many many days, who were so weak that they are at the verge of collapsing. AND it is usually at night that the family cannot stand the patients' constant moaning and grunting because it is depriving them of a good night's sleep.

Today it is his turn to see the cold or minor cases. He sat at his table. Ahhh..... 15 yellow cards. He bets that 8 are those with minor cough and cold who suddenly decide that they cannot live with it another second more; three or four with stomach ache after binging so much during dinner; and an idiotic one or two who cannot sleep and want to find out why is that so.

Slowly he reach out to press the number zero...five..one...

"Ting.... kosong...lima...satu... Bilik Dua". The mechanical female voice rings out loudly across the waiting room.

The door opened. In came a neurotic looking Chinese lady. She walked normally towards him. He gave a sigh and a bored smile. He gestured her to sit.

"Good morning" *yawn* "What is your problem?" *yawn*

"Ah...good morning doctor... I have no problem, I just want to know if there is anything wrong with me?"

"Uh...duh?? I am so sorry, do you have a cough?"

"No..no..no...doctor... I am fine lorrr.... I just want to check if I am ok,. You know to see if I have high sugar or high blood or anything bad"

He feels his sleepiness just went away. If he understands it correctly, this bloody idiot want a full medical check-up at....he glanced over the wall clock,,,what??? 12.05 am???

He said calmly " I am so sorry, I only treat emergencies middle of the night. If you want to check whether you're Ok or not you need to come to the Outpatient Department tomorrow morning, during office hours"

"Aiyoh doctor, I cannot come lorrr during office hours I got business to run. I want you to check me now"

He shook his head in disbelief and reached out for a referral form. He pushed the form into the patient's hand. " You can go see the doctor anytime between 8am to 5pm, Mondays to Fridays", then he gave her this 'get out of my sight look'.

The attendant, sensing his irritation, quickly ushered the lady out and told her directions to the outpatient department. The lady, angry that she spent 2 hours waiting for nothing and paying RM 1, protested. But by then, she caught a glimpse of the doctor's frowning face and decided to go quietly.

"ting... kosong...lima...dua....Bilik Dua"

5 comments:

ardy said...

Maybe the lady just wanted the doctor to "check" her out.

She could be horny, you know.

It happens.

Bakawali said...

RD....hahahahaha

Spena said...

Sorry...I'm lost ..

najibest said...

that sounds about right Ardy :)

john f seademon said...

Ardy...I want to become a doctor. I can give jabs, oral prescriptions, sexually harrass women in the name of medical professionalism, stick huge thermometers into their mouth, use a big stick to see their tonsils...man, such a perverted job but no one ever complains other than about having to wait so long at the OPD.

The best thing is, I can prescribe myself with lots of drugs.