Evolution of love

Relationships are a complicated matter but over the past 20 years or so it got more and more complicated. Previously, relationships are usually arranged by families and many fell in love after getting married. These arranged marriages were the norms in the old days especially in societies steep in tradition but has become 'out of favour' nowadays.

Love marriages then became more and more common although parents and families do try to have a hand in it. In the 60's till perhaps the mid-90s, people meet through friends, at work, at school or tuition centres or university, or even shopping complexes (who knows..after a day of lepakking sure you'll notice someone cute)..... This is what I call love on sight (mind you, I am not calling it love at FIRST sight)... as the person sees another person which his or her brain registers as LOVE.

And then, came the INTERNET.... and thus the boom of internet love.

I vaguely remember that in the late 90's I started to get hooked on chatting online. At that time there was no broadband. Only dial-ups, Jaring 1511 or TMnet 1515. Most of us went to the ICQ and mIRC chatrooms. Most of the guys were hunting for sex, some looking for true love whereas majority of the ladies (or gals) were looking for 'true love'....

Well, it was a new world to everyone. The pressures of face-to-face dating was lifted. Those usually tongue tied at the sight of the opposite sex became the smooth talking romeo, with no worries of being themselves. Rejection was a minor worry.

This virtual love sprouted all over and people met and consolidated their relationships in the 'real world' after being comfortable with each others thoughts. For some it worked, but for many it was disastrous. The illusion of love usually falls apart when the first meeting takes place. Our minds play cruel games, we create a perfect partner to complement the virtual thoughts that have been exchanged but alas, reality strikes. The 'perfect partner' turns out not to be perfect at all. And since the mind has created this fantasy many of us could not accept the imperfections and thus were heartbroken.

Few years down the line, broadband comes in. With it comes blogging, photos sharing and full boom of online communities. The chatting arena is still alive and kicking but then, it's mainly for friends or people who have already known each other. With blogging, it exposes outsiders to the small world of the person. Many blog their innermost feelings, ranting day in day out. Some will have fervent admirers, and some are kept private.

Anyway, with this, many skim through blogs to see people with similar mindsets. Again a fantasy is created. Some will gather the courage to make the 'first contact' and then the relationship (as friends or lovers it depends) commences. The difference with the earlier Internet love/ lust is the person has actually vetted through the 'personalities' and sort of found those more acceptable to his or her mindset and thus the likelihood of it to succeed is more.

Plus, since the relative ease in photos hosting many have first vet through the 'looks' of their future 'darlings'... so there is usually no more the shock of the 1st blind date.

Another alternative are online dating services and speed dating but that makes you sound absolutely DESPERATE and desperate is an absolute turn off.

Well, all these are just precursors to the initiation of maybe a meaningful relationship. Life is too fast paced nowadays to go and meet people. Not to say the old way of meeting people is dead but there are some of us who are just plain unlucky to be stuck in an office with a bunch of people who are as lively as a comatose person.

ungu-kekasih gelapku

What does this song mean?

This is my intepretation.

A guy is in a relationship with a woman which he truly loves. However, because of circumstances he is unable to reveal or profess his love to anyone but her. She thus has to stay in the shadows of his life.

Love Conquers All.... Not!!!

Last night I was talking to a friend who supposedly madly in love for the first time in his life. He's so convinced that maybe by falling in love and getting married he may finally have a shot at happiness (after several failed marriages) . I was so amused. Why you may ask? I have been in and out of love so many times in this current life that the idea of true love conquers all is to me is crap.

Love is a constellation of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness.

Love may be the starting point but it's not the only thing that keeps people together.

Love makes people blind to the flaws of the other person that one cannot make a reasonable judgment in deciding if this is the right one. However, when all is done you'll wake up one morning and realise...oh my god!!!!

I am not anti-love. Being in love is wonderful, it addictive, you will want more and more. But then it is not practical.

Love can only work in a world where there is only TWO individuals. It cannot work in the real world unless with love comes compromise, tolerance, understanding. With the other person comes also his or her family, friends, old lovers, and of course work. Selfish individuals like myself finds it difficult to be in love. It's not practical to say...."ahhh... he loves me so he will change".

That's brings us to another issue...people never change! If you find something in the person you supposedly love that irks you, try to accept it, live with it. You cannot change the person. If they want to change, great!!!! But if not, accept it!!

Therefore, to my dear friends in love ., I am happy that you're on cloud nine. But to make the fairytale happy ever after one needs a lot of sacrifice, tolerance and understanding for BOTH halves. It's not easy, it's damn hard work!

For those people I have been in and out of love with, I still care a lot. Too bad things didn't work out but then, things like this made me more mature and understanding and tolerable... Who knows there may still be 'LOVE' out there for me....