Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Evolution of love

Relationships are a complicated matter but over the past 20 years or so it got more and more complicated. Previously, relationships are usually arranged by families and many fell in love after getting married. These arranged marriages were the norms in the old days especially in societies steep in tradition but has become 'out of favour' nowadays.

Love marriages then became more and more common although parents and families do try to have a hand in it. In the 60's till perhaps the mid-90s, people meet through friends, at work, at school or tuition centres or university, or even shopping complexes (who knows..after a day of lepakking sure you'll notice someone cute)..... This is what I call love on sight (mind you, I am not calling it love at FIRST sight)... as the person sees another person which his or her brain registers as LOVE.

And then, came the INTERNET.... and thus the boom of internet love.

I vaguely remember that in the late 90's I started to get hooked on chatting online. At that time there was no broadband. Only dial-ups, Jaring 1511 or TMnet 1515. Most of us went to the ICQ and mIRC chatrooms. Most of the guys were hunting for sex, some looking for true love whereas majority of the ladies (or gals) were looking for 'true love'....

Well, it was a new world to everyone. The pressures of face-to-face dating was lifted. Those usually tongue tied at the sight of the opposite sex became the smooth talking romeo, with no worries of being themselves. Rejection was a minor worry.

This virtual love sprouted all over and people met and consolidated their relationships in the 'real world' after being comfortable with each others thoughts. For some it worked, but for many it was disastrous. The illusion of love usually falls apart when the first meeting takes place. Our minds play cruel games, we create a perfect partner to complement the virtual thoughts that have been exchanged but alas, reality strikes. The 'perfect partner' turns out not to be perfect at all. And since the mind has created this fantasy many of us could not accept the imperfections and thus were heartbroken.

Few years down the line, broadband comes in. With it comes blogging, photos sharing and full boom of online communities. The chatting arena is still alive and kicking but then, it's mainly for friends or people who have already known each other. With blogging, it exposes outsiders to the small world of the person. Many blog their innermost feelings, ranting day in day out. Some will have fervent admirers, and some are kept private.

Anyway, with this, many skim through blogs to see people with similar mindsets. Again a fantasy is created. Some will gather the courage to make the 'first contact' and then the relationship (as friends or lovers it depends) commences. The difference with the earlier Internet love/ lust is the person has actually vetted through the 'personalities' and sort of found those more acceptable to his or her mindset and thus the likelihood of it to succeed is more.

Plus, since the relative ease in photos hosting many have first vet through the 'looks' of their future 'darlings'... so there is usually no more the shock of the 1st blind date.

Another alternative are online dating services and speed dating but that makes you sound absolutely DESPERATE and desperate is an absolute turn off.

Well, all these are just precursors to the initiation of maybe a meaningful relationship. Life is too fast paced nowadays to go and meet people. Not to say the old way of meeting people is dead but there are some of us who are just plain unlucky to be stuck in an office with a bunch of people who are as lively as a comatose person.


ardy said...

Speed dating is fun! It's a whole new game when you're doing it, because it takes a lot of courage and charm to get yourself noticed in a room full of strangers.

I guess as we grow older, our outlet for meeting new people dwindles away, and our circle of friends probably remains the same. So being able to make new friends online, now that is indeed a blessing.

Anonymous said...

never tried online dating b4.. the thot of it pun dah scary.. takut terkena..

how do you know if people really genuine?

Bakawali said...

Yup Ardy, it is a blessing to meet new friends online... Btw, did you ever try speed dating???

Anoynomous, you shouldn't go into it to fall in love but meet new people. It takes practice and a good in-born radar to detect the genuine people and those pretending. But then keep an open mind, and for girls, don't take unnecessary risks.... the blind dating part may be another horror story..( worth an entry on its own)

John F Seademon said...

Can be painful...

Spena said...

Bakawali, you covered everything.
Ardy is right, without 'blind' dates/meet - I would not be meeting great friends like you, SD and Guile.
And alhamdulillah, that was how I met Habibi!
I guess it depends on what is our 'niat' in the 1st place.