LAST POST FOR 2007

1. How has 2007 been for you in a nutshell?
Good

2. Apart from your family members, name one person who has made you happy in 2007.
Ardy

3. Do you feel you are better off, or worse off, in 2007 than you were in 2006?
Better off, don’t have to study anymore!!!!!!!!

4. Where was the best holiday trip for you in 2007?
So many good holidays: It all started in May – my Redang-Perhentian week-long diving trip, Tulamben Bali with Saliha, Kaz, Wanie and Amir in July, Cambodia Siam Reap 10 year overdue trip finally Sembilan Island Seahorse Hunting LOB in December.

5. Name two positive things that you have achieved in 2007
I have succeeded in not studying anymore
I did my Rescue Diver Course


6. Name the best movie you saw in 2007.
Transformers (robots in disguise)

7. Name five friends that you have made in 2007.
Ardy, Guile, Ryzah, Salwa, Spena.

8. What New Year’s resolution for 2007 that you have not achieved?
I don’t make new year’s resolutions

9. What would your New Year’s resolution for 2008 be?
Please read No 8

10. Name 3 people you would like to tag.
Ardy, Guile, Floweryskies

What lies ahead

2008 will be reveal itself in 3 hours. As usual, I never make any plans for New Year's Eve, and this year I will be holding the fort in Temerloh. I can never recall any year that I joined the celebrations. I am not really into partying and I hate crowds, well, people may say I am an anti social person, most probably they are right.

2007 have been a good year for me and my family. There were incidents that we all wanted to forget but generally it has been good.

The first five months was uneventful except me slogging for exams, luckily I scraped through.

My sister got married in July, a first in the family. I guess some people may say...."ah finally"... Anyway, Shafuan is a nice guy and is now known as my mom and dad's 'MY SON'.

Work wise, I got posted to Temerloh. It is a new experience working far away from the civilization I know (there is no cinemas or bowling alley you know)...However, it is a good training ground with the massive traumas that occur along the east coast highway.

Diving has been good this year although the season started only in May for me. I did a Redang-Perhentian week-long marathon and I met new buddies along the way. I finally did and completed my Rescue Course and FINALLY got to see the common seahorse. We capped the end of the season by playing Uno underwater in Pulau Sembilan.

And in case anyone is interested to know, yes I am seeing someone special.

And she call herself a lecturer?

It was the last day of the exams. Everyone was pretty nervous. It was the dreaded viva-voce. Three examiners grilling one candidate at a time. Thinking of it made my heart jump a beat, "what if I am asked something I do not know?". Ahhhh....I felt inadequate, but then here goes nothing. A whole year of slogging, something should have sunk in.

Suddenly, someone called out my name. I looked up, so did the other five there. She signaled to me to come out. I smiled and immediately rose from my seat. I followed her out to the hall, there she was chatting excitedly, as usual I can't really recall but it was irrelavant. And then she said "Lynn, please do better, you need to pull up your marks". I was stunned. In my mind a one question came up, 'did I fare badly in the other papers?'

I immediately questioned her "What do you mean? Did I fail the previous papers?"

"Oh!" "No, Lynn, I didn't mean that, I am just saying that you need to score in the viva". At that point I found her irritating. I was pissed. By uttering that sentence to me, she threw me completely off balance. I immediately excused myself.

I went back into the holding room. The others looked as I rejoined them. They saw that something had happened, I lost my composure. The cool (but secretly nervous) person is no longer there. It was fifteen minutes to 10. That was when we need to enter the examination hall.

I sat there breathing deeply, negative thoughts crept into my mind. I had to tell myself over and over again "You know this, have faith.... have faith".

And as we walked to our stations her voice keep playing on and on in my mind "....you need to pull up your marks.....". Damn her! Damn her!Damn her

Dying wish

"What ever they do, please do not allow them to cut my leg"

That is a dying man's wish. He has been suffering for the past 3 weeks that started with a wound over his heel. Initially he brushed it off, "ah...it will heal by itself" but then gradually it got worse,; painful, foul smelling and discharging pus. He was too scared to go to the hospital, he has heard so much about the doctors there; the fearsome ones, the ones so happy to chop off people's legs.

For the past 5 years he had suffered from diabetes, he has not been taking his medications regularly. He figured, he should not be dependent on drugs; so if he felt weak he'll take a tablet or two but usually he felt fine. "Ah, the doctor must be mistaken, I am not like any other patients, I am not sick,"; that was what he had told himself over the years. And not only that, when it comes to eating he ate like there was no tomorrow.

As the years gone by his health slowly turned bad. His sight was not as good as before, the ophthalmologist told him that he had retinopathy, complications of the long standing chemical abuse of his body. The sugars have caused all this. And about 6 months ago his physician warned him, without proper diet and medications his kidneys may soon shutdown and he would require regular dialysis.

With all this warning signs he still continued as he wishes. His wife and children tried to help him adhere to the no sugar diet but then he gets absolutely pissed off and angry with them. To him, they are becoming an agent of the doctors to stop him from enjoying what is good in life.

Back the present day, his leg do not seemed so good. It has become more smelly and he can see the patchy bluish discoloration of the skin. And, the pain is unbearable. He has not been able to sleep the past three nights.

His wife is so worried. He is not well, very not well. She sees the change in him. He is so weak and at times, she felt he is not coherent. His fever has been persistent this past two days and his appetite is poor. She tried coaxing him to go to the hospital but he has been adamant. But today, finally, he agreed. She guessed that the pain is now so unbearable.

She took him to the ER. The medical assistant took his pressure and temperature. Immediately he was whisked into the Red Zone, the critical zone. Then what she saw was a flurry of movements. He was rested on the trolley, a doctor came and aked a brief summary of events, his medical illness....ah she can't remember. Blood was taken from his left arm and then after a few minutes lines were dangling from his arms.

Another doctor came, he looked more senior and respectful; he had this worried look on his face. The doctor summoned the wife and explained to her and the patient that he has gas gangrene of the leg. He explained that the infection is very severe and that it is causing 'blood poisoning' or sepsis. Without prompt and proper care he may die. The doctors will do the best for him but they need to sort out and eradicate the source of infection.

He heard the dreaded words coming out of the doctor's mouth, "sir, we have to amputate your leg to save your life". He felt his world spinning, he should not have come. Bravely he said no. Not in a million years, and not if his life depended on it.

She was standing by his side when the frenzy of movements around them started. The nurses and doctors asked her to step aside. More fluids and drugs are being pumped into him. He looked more dazed. Someone came by and told her that his pressure is very weak, it is due to the overwheming sepsis. The doctors need to support his body, they need to put him on a ventilator while the infection is being sorted out. He was then wheeled to the ICU.

She had to wait outside, it was a long wait. She prayed and prayed. Hopefully he will be all right. After half an hour an aide called her to inside the ICU. She was escorted to his bedside. There he laid, a tube sticking out his mouth connected to a machine. He was asleep.

The doctors came and talked to her. Explained that his life is in a precarious position. He may die. They are going to do their best to support his bodily functions, to stabilise him. However, once he is stable they need to remove the source of the infection; without surgery, without amputation, they fear that they can't do anything much to save his life.

Now since he can't make the decision and consent to the surgery she has to. She has to make the decision. But then, how much she loves him, how much she fears losing him she still remembers what he said. His wish. His wish to be whole, and life and in death. Painfully she decides, no!

As his wife, she is the guardian of his wish of his will. And painfully she watches him slip away.

dont have a cow man

EIMG_0703
Originally uploaded by divechiefkaz

Wonderful photos of a cowfish taken by my dear friend Kaz.

Ramblings

One of my dear friends is in a dilemma. She has just passed out as a medical specialist recently and she immediately reported for duty at Putrajaya. She filled in the necessary forms and she stated her desire to stay and serve in the Klang Valley. Her reasons are simple: her family is here, she has a 4 year old beautiful and smart girl who needs her mommy ;and hubby is in the private sector and thus cannot relocate. However, knowing all this, the Ministry decides to post her to Ipoh. Yeah, Ipoh is not that far away but then it’s still a 2 hours’ drive. And thus she appealed. She appealed to the Ministry and she also tried explaining to her ‘future’ boss in Ipoh hoping to get some support.

But then little does she know that this high ranking senior Government officer, a Dato’ dislikes female doctors. She was given a tongue lashing on how he hates women becoming doctors and specialists, on how they are never as dedicated as men, and on how family interests interferes with work. Well, perhaps he is upset that his anticipated lesser workload is not materializing. Perhaps, he was upset about something else and this just added on to his irritated mind. Perhaps.

Anyway, I wonder, if this Dato’s wife get posted elsewhere to work what will he do? Will he kiss her on the forehead and give her his blessings or will he immediately get the DG over the phone and pull some fibre-optic cables to keep her put by his side? Or will he give her the ultimatum, “your family or your career?”

Being a ‘career woman’ is never easy. And worst still, is being a mother, a wife and a working person. In the past, women are expected to live at home taking care of the family and household being THE HOUSEWIFE. In the modern age and world, being a housewife is a luxury, a position that many of us are envious of, for this current time it is never enough to sustain or maintain a family with a single person’s pay. Well, we are talking about the common people here, not some rich bloke with a bottomless pit of cash.

Nowadays women working are not related to women’s lib. Majority of us have no choice. We did not burn our bras and decided that we must work to piss off all the chauvinistic male egos. Nowadays it is not a choice, working is a necessity.

But then, still women are wives and mothers first. It is natural to majority of women to feel that ‘Family Comes First’. To some employers, that makes women workers a liability. They say women do not have the commitment to the job like men do, they do not have the drive to succeed; there will always be sick kids, whining husbands coming in front of the job priority. Well, is that bad? In the employers’ narrow point of view perhaps yes. But let us look at the globally picture.

A society is made up of individuals, male and females. Majority make up small social and support units called families and thus, congregation of families makes the society. Theoretically, a society may compose of individuals without affiliation with anyone, but without families but then what kind of society would that be, hmmm….New Yorkers perhaps? And, it is a well known fact that individuals without familial support succumb to mental illness more commonly compared to those with strong familial base. Therefore, a woman’s contribution to the well-being of the society has always be understated and overlooked.

Back to the Ministry of Health, annually doctors get posted all over the country. It is inevitable. Medical service is needed everywhere but the posting of personnel is a complicated thing. Only if you have friends or relatives in high places that you may get to stay in the Hotspots. The people involved in assigning the postings are never compassionate, they do not care. What matters to them is on paper they have done their job, they do not care about the applicant’s history and family, all they care about is putting a name in an empty slot. Sometimes that is good but sometimes it is not. And when it comes to family matters then most of it is not. Yeah, true that many people misuses the family issue to stay put where they are BUT not everyone.

When another of my friend’s tried getting a transfer from Penang to Klang as his parents were ill; his mom had cancer and his dad dementia, he was told “Family or parents health is NOT a STRONG reason to get a transfer”. Uh duh? What happened to the ‘Masyarakat Penyayang’ concept? How can we become a caring society if we are not allowed to look after out aging ones? And how do you expect doctors to show compassion for other people’s parents if they are not allowed to show compassion and care to their own flesh and blood. Caring for other start from within the family, it is not a trait that can be learnt or acquired; it lies deep within us from the years of training by our family.

And therefore, who can blame a doctor if he or she decides that their family matters the most and thus quit the government service to be there for them. Isn’t it a better idea to keep doctors in the service and get them to do work wherever they are? But then, the Ministry do not care; as the staffs in-charge usually say “Ala doctor, resign aje la kalau tak suka, berlambak orang nak pangkat ni” (translation: if you don’t like it just resign, there are a lot of people vying for this post)…. Little do they know (or they refuse to acknowledge) there are actually an acute shortage of doctors and specialist in the public sector in this country.

Almost Perfect

I close my eyes and lay there imagining.

There was nothing else was there. Nothing else in my mind. Only me and my thoughts.

My senses were taking in all that they could. My ears can hear clearly the sounds of waves hitting the shore, the monsoon making it full of energy,full of fury.

And then, there was the gentle sensation of the wind blowing into my face and hair. It was such a wonderful feeling. Felt like someone was caressing my face, gently touching it....

And occasionally when the sun makes a peek-a-boo through the trees shining as bright as it can, my skin felt a tinge of pain, just slight... It was as if the sun was urging me to get up and enjoy the heat.

I lay there for nearly an hour or two , dozing off now and then. I dreamt I was in paradise... and perhaps for that moment I was... Oh how I wish I can lay there at the beach forever..

It was such a perfect afternoon... well, it was almost perfect.

SOS.... what is happening?

Communication of up-to-date information in a time of disaster is very crucial. It is the upmost importance for those affected, the people who are helping them and also to relay the extent of the disaster to the outside world.

In the modern world of telecommunications, there are various medias available for transmission of information to the masses. Television, radio, internet are amongst the most commonly accessed by the people. The first to are more readily available and accessible to the common people and therefore, should be the main source of information distribution.

Where am I getting to with all this?

For the past week, many states in Malaysia have been affected by heavy rain and floods. The situation is not as usual, yearly there are floods during the monsoon but this year it has been heavier and more severe. In the Pahang state, at one point nearly 28000 people were displaced. Some areas, like Jerantut and Bera were totally cut off when the main roads went under water. The whole state was put under red-alert when the Metrological Department predicts more rain to come.

For the layman like me, this means ‘impending’ disaster (to some in the relief centres it is already a disaster). And for us who are stuck but not yet displaced, hour-by-hour information on the situation is really important but are we getting any? For such a large scale problem the distribution of relevant information is sorely lacking. Apart from the 5 to 10 minute news on the local channels broadcasted at the usual Prime Time News nothing else was communicated. Some higher authority may argue, go to the local Flood Disaster Command Centre to get your up to date information. Well, that is beside the point.

This country has been gearing up its people to become a developed nation. It prides itself in having successfully organized the Commonwealth Games, the CHOGM meetings etc. How can one nation become a developed nation if basic communication and information dispersion cannot be achieved? What happened to the national TV, the ‘Saluran Inforia Anda’? Maybe, they only strive to give accurate and updated Entertainment Information to the masses.

RTM’s Client Charter taken from its website said:

“We pledge to ensure the standard of broadcasting is of the highest quality, in line with the government's policies and aspirations, to cater to the varied tastes of the society through: Up to date information ;programmes that are informative and educational; high quality entertainment programmes and to instill good values”

The channels (including the private stations) should have contingency plans on methods of information dispersion when such a disaster occurs. One just needs to have a continuous information tab at the bottom of the screen to display the latest news. They can do it for the elections so why not for this? This is their social obligation. Stop talking crap about giving rice to people or entertaining orphans during hari raya. This is supposed to be their forte, and thus their responsibility to the people and the Nation.

But then, perhaps I got it all wrong. Perhaps, since this situation occurred in Kelantan, Pahang and Johor where most of the affected are neither well-to-do nor educated, then it is not worth reporting. I guess only if it happens in Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur or Shah Alam where the educated, rich and powerful societies are residing then it warrants round the clock up-to-date information.

Looking just at this aspect, are we on the right track to becoming a developed nation?

First Hand Experience - Flood Update

A lot of people did not know what to do. No one can leave the district, well, almost no one. So idiotic and bored people like me went out to survey (or as the news put it 'pantau') the situation

Sue and I was brave (or stupid) enough to get 1st hand experience of the flood. My heart stopped when I realised the car was wading through nearly a foot high flood water. And I nearly died of a heart attack when the Four Wheel infront stopped midway. We were lucky we nothing happened. I guess i need to get myself a Four wheel next time.



Floating Town of Mentakab

Note that the water level is up to half of the 1st storey. Pasaraya YT really was literallly going under



Sampan at center of Mentakab Town... an alternative mode of transport. I wonder where do these people keep their 'sampans' when it's not flooding.

NOTE: ALL PHOTOS WERE TAKEN ON 14th December 2007 between 2030H to 2230H

Stuck in Temerloh

Water has been steadily rising despite that the sky has been clear for the past 48 hours. I am stuck here and felling miserable. These are just photos on Wednesday when water just broke the river bank. Things are worse now.

Sembilan Islands - Photos

The Internet Savvy Community

The Ministry sent an official letter advising all the officers to use their 'official' e-mail address for any correspondence within the Ministry. This is especially so for correspondences to the Director General of Health and the KSU.

It's an action in the right direction. Or is it?

Being an environmentalist I laud such action as it minimises the pile of papers used to send a single letter to the Ministry. Not only do you use the piece (or two) of paper you will also need envelops and stamps. And being in the Government service a letter to a higher ranking authority have to go through the Hospital Director(certainly with a copy to the moron), and a copy to every Tom Dick and Hairy (spelling error is intentional). That amounts to 10 trees being cut down for a measly letter which would in the end, either end up in a pile of rubbish or stored away in a dust filled file.

Anyway, back to the 'official emails' for government officers, I wonder how many government officers actually have 'official' email access? I have been in the Government Service for EIGHT years, I am a 'Pegawai Kumpulan A', but then I have never been given any email address. Maybe this is a new thing but then I have been at my new post for the past 6 months. Man, this is really slow, definitely slower than the usual SNAIL MAIL...

And even with an email address where can I access my email? The hospital used to give the specialists a Hotspot subcription and reload every month. But then, they (the administrators complained) that the total usage was high and thus it has been stopped for the past 2 months.

So it makes me wonder, where do they expect us to log in to the internet? Your own Streamyx account? At RM 99 per month? Or perhaps we can have an Internet Club (just like the ladies Book Club) where we all meet every week at the ONLY TWO free wi-fi joints in Temerloh...

And this week, the 'Internet Savvy' Hospital Pengarah announces - All circulars to doctors and officers will be sent only via the email and the Hospital Official Website. Uh duh????

Sembilan Island - A teaser

Went seahorse hunting over the weekend. Boarded Kaleebso (www.kaleebso.com) at Hutan Melintang Perak at about 2130 hours on 7th December 2007.

I will post a full underwater report soon. The gist: It was a sucessful hunting and the photo posted is just a teaser for those who missed it.

(Note: Saliha, Wanie, Haidar, Azrin... you guys should have been there)

A bloody long tag

Want to 'thank' Guile for tagging me. This tag was done last week immediately after I got tagged but I was too lazy to post it

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night.
KAZ

2. What were you doing at 0800?
Was dressing up to go to work… Yeah I know I was already late… but then I am in Temerloh

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Scolding my houseofficers for being brain-bound and acting like a stupid clerk


4. What happened to you in 2006?
So many things……

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
AH SHUT UP!!!!

6. How many beverages did you have today?
Since it is only 12 noon now, 1 beverage (my daily morning glass of chilled Milo)

7. What color is your hairbrush?
Brown, but does that matter??

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
Fruits…I am on a diet!

9. Where were you last night?
Home, sitting on the sofa

10. What color is your front door?
I have no say in this matter, it is a rented place :PINK!!!

11. Where do you keep your change?
In my pockets la….

12. What’s the weather like today?
Dunno,…. I am inside since 8.30 am

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Cheesecake something

14. What excites you?
SEX….

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Hmmm…constantly

16. Are you over the age of 25?
Of course….

17. Do you talk a lot?
What do you define as a lot????

18. Do you watch the O.C.?
OC???? On-call???

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
Steven who? I have been to Steven’s Corner but no I do not know Mr Steven personally

20. Do you make up your own words?
If confabulate is a not word then yes…

21. Are you a jealous person?
No… I just don’t care enough to be jealous

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
ARDY, Avthar, Ab Rahmat……ooopsss that’s more than one

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
KAZ

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
My medical officer

25. What does the last text message you received say?
Oh what a bugger…. Blah..blah…blah… Arrggghhhh

26. Do you chew on your straw?
Yes, why not…..I always chew on things in my mouth..heheheheh

27. Do you have curly hair?
No…opps..but then which hair are we talking about ere???

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Back to KL for the weekend

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Me

30. What was the last thing you ate?
Crackers with cheese dip

31. Will you get married in the future?
Hahahaha… that is a million dollar question

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
There is no cinema in Temerloh…do you have to rub it in???

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
I am the one and only…. But then closest in terms of personality and pervertness would be Fazah

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Everyday..hey I live alone and I have no maid

35. Are you currently depressed?
Hell NO

36. Did you cry today?
Why should I??? Water prices have risen past few years… should not waste any money

37. Why did you answer and post this?
Because I am supposed to do a medical report and I am damn lazy

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.
I have not many friends so I guess I better not make them pissed by tagging them

Doctor, doctor are you there??

For the past few weeks I have been busy, work or if in the private sector,busines has been quite brisk. Horrendous motor-vehicle accidents with mangled occupants have been knocking on our doors.

Anyway, today is my 2nd last day of my 8 day call stretch. Can't wait for the weekend.

But that is not the point of this posting. I have previously written on the difficulties of being the physician in a family.


http://bakawali.blogspot.com/2007/10/in-physician-we-trust.html

And now, I would like to vent out my frustrations on almost similar issues - Friendititis. Occasionally friends would ask me for medical advice which I would gladly part with. Who would not want to help a friend.

But sometimes, some people are too smart for their own good. With the easy access of any information on the world wide web a lot of people ask questions that they have answered for themselves. The role of the 'physician' or in this case, me, is just to validate or confirm whatever they do are right.

Lets say I disagree or the advice given is not the answer one wants to hear, then it's not taken seriously or even regarded as a joke. I may be sarcastic but I never joke when I give my professional opinion. And if people ever question my integrity and want to justify my 'wrong' or unsympathetic advice being given due to so-called abnormalities in my state of mind then tough luck. They should just pray to god to cure them of any physical, internal or mental illness, they may get more sympathy there.

I have a very short fuse when it comes to people my undermining professional 'opinions'. A few things irritate me ; people who abuses their body when they know what they need to do to keep it healthy: for example, smoking, excessive drinking of alcohol, eating fatty food when they have a history of cardiac problems, gorging on uric acid laden food when they have been hospitalised for renal stones and gout etcetera etcetera...

And the worse of the lot are people who do all those things and call up or sms their physician friend and say...."Ah... I have been eating lamb chops all weekend and my current pressure is so and so... and I feel lightheaded.. do you think I am OK? Is the medicine not working?" These type of sms'es makes me cringe and I feel like screaming my lungs out.... "Bloody hell, if you don't care, should I?"

Thus I am tired. Very tired.

Nice... what an awful word

The word 'nice' has a few meanings. As taken from the Free Online Dictionary the following are a few of them,
Nice - adj. nic·er, nic·est

1. Pleasing and agreeable in nature: had a nice time.
2. Having a pleasant or attractive appearance: a nice dress; a nice face.
3. Exhibiting courtesy and politeness: a nice gesture.
4. Of good character and reputation; respectable

Well, on the surface the word sounds 'nice' but then, I never ever want anyone to label or call me nice. Nice is the word one uses when trying to breakup with someone (and trying to spare their feelings)

"My dear darling.... I just have to tell you... it is me, not you... you are a nice person. It is all my fault, I am not right for you. I am sure there is someone nice out there for you"

Damn...How I hate to hear those lines. It is so degrading and irritating... What does one means that a person is nice? A person is nice but not good enough for him or her. It is quite perplexing when I know its 'official' definition but then understand too well its common usage. To me, being nice is when people are implying that you are too ordinary, too common, not special etcetera, etcetera... and I can go on and on...

Well, how do one break up with another. My awful suggestion is just tell the truth. "I am so sorry, you are not THE ONE.... Goodbye". At least if someone say that to me I will not be as crushed as if some one starts the sentence with "Lynn, you're a nice girl...blah..blah..blah"

Here by me

Been listening to this song past few days

"And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me."

taken from 'Here by me - by 3 Doors Down'

Siam Reap, gateway to an ancient city (Part Two)

3rd November 2007

Woke up pretty early and had breakfast at the hotel.Then off we went with Mr Sunpreap to Angkor Wat.Entrance fees were USD20 per person. We followed the plan Mr Thean had discussed with us last night, therefore driving past Angkor Wat (will keep that for the last- when the light is good)

We then entered Angkor Thom through the Southern Gate. For those who fancy an Elephant Ride you can get one ere. We were mobbed by kids selling travel books at a fraction of the market price. A sucker I was I bought the “Book Guides: Ancient Angkor by Micheal Freeman”. It was only USD 7 for two (that was equvlent to RM 3.3 x 3.5 = RM11.55 per book); it explains about the sites and it’s atractions. The Lonely Planet Guide to Cambodia was only USD4….wow… and the quality was quite good.

I was so happy as the place gives me the opportunity to practice photogaphy. So many wonderful opportunities. 1^st we went to the Bayon Temple. Ah… such elaborate architecture. The king that built it made the temple in three layers, he thought that he was dying soon and thus started with the outer layer 1^st and construction on the inner layer only commenced when the outer one is completed. Nevertheless, the King lived long enough to see the whole temple completed.

The whole World Heritage Site is under conservation and repairs thus ongoing works everywhere. We went to several temples and had tremendous fun exploring. I was as usual slow and took photos of almost everything whereas Shanta was spinting here and there. Our driver, who spoke limited English had a hard time keeping track of where we were. He’ll go “Shanta where are you” or “Lynn whre are you?” but was a great company. He was laughing so much at our craziness especially when it comes to quircky photoshots (see more at my flickr). He appointed himself as our bodyguard and vetted through all the stuff the locals were trying to sell us.

Special mention and a must visit is the Ta Phrom where the ancient ruins are engulfed by the forests. Huge trees grow within the walls of the temple and becomes part of the architecture.

Angkor Wat itself is a huge majestic temple surrounded by a huge moat. Repairs were everywhere but one thing that strikes me is that almost all the statues were decapitated. It was as seem that someone had an axe and went on a rampage through the temple.

That night again we went to the Pub Street to have dinner. Found a halal Indian shop, Maharaja, and I ate to my heart’s content. Shanta wanted to have the local beer and we went to watch the Manchaster United match against Arsenal. Shanta being a die hard fan insisted that we watch the first half. However, now I know that the wuss cannot watch live matches, she may die of heart attack.

4^th November 2007

Decided to walk to the market place. Both of us wanted to shop….and shop…and that is what we did. They have wonderful silk stuff, bags, bags and bags. I am a sucker for bags. Love bag especially quircky and unique ones. They have lovely silk stuff, silver and wood/stone carvings. Ahhhhh… thank god I brought limited cash. But I did splurge, on a oil painting, it was love at first sight!

After that we went for Khmer massage…. USD 6 for an hour…. I wanted to have photos taken of us being massaged but Shan thought I was a bit cookoo and refused to let me take a photo of her ‘half naked’. After that we took the what seemed like a ‘tut tut’ back to the hotel. As usual traffic was chaotic and scary.

We wanted to visit the war museum but then decided we were too lazy. Ah….next time

For more photos : http://www.flickr.com/photos/bakawali/sets/72157602951606220/

The dreamer in me

I started reading story books when I was very young. Mom used to take us to the Anthonian book store in Brickfields every 3-4 months and I would then get my supply of Enid Blyton. I then progressed to Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Three Investigators and whatever fiction I can lay my hands on. I would read and dream, each word would lit up and form a vision in my mind. Reading is what ignite my imagination to faraway lands, to realms of fantasies and mysteries. It was a world of my own. I was part of the Secret Seven, uttering under my breath the password to get into the clubhouse... I was the genderless member of the Three Investigators, tinkering away in the junkyard, I was...I was...I was......everything, everywhere

I used to read and read without bothering with anything else. Food, homework, household chores were secondary. Mom used to get angry as I will not put a book down until I finished reading it. I remembered once, to get away from the everyone, I climbed into an empty TV box and sat there the whole morning reading. My mother panicked as she thought I had disappeared and I got a nice walloping after that.

And when I discovered the National Library, back then it was at Jalan Raja Laut, I used to spend hours after school reading and searching for new books and authors. That was my heaven on earth.

That was my love. Was.

About 4 years back I stopped reading any fiction. The trigger was when I joined the master's programme. I had to spend most of my hours reading textbook and writing notes that in the end I despise reading. That was so sad.

And now, my imagination, my thoughts feels like a well dried up. Reading is a catalyst of the mind, the soul. Without feeding the mind it cannot thrive. I have to start reading fiction again. Slowly I have to start. The years of abstinence have made my ability to read, to imagine, weak and shallow.

So now, I have to start.

Siam Reap, gateway to an ancient city (Part One)

Everyone can fly, that is the Air Asia motto. With its ongoing promotions I guess I too can fly, anywhere, almost anywhere in Southeast Asia, that is. I was utterly stressed out when Air Asia had its free tickets promotion earlier this year when I 'instructed' Shanta to purchase the tickets online for November. Stress at that point was because, apart from preparing for exams my broadband connection had konked out for a few days.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago, finally the trip. It was a trip we were supposed to plan and go on 8 years back. Shan and I sort of wanted to go on a holiday together when we finished medical school in 1999... So finally......


2nd November 2007
Met up at Sentral at 4 am and boarded the shuttle bus. Bus and flight were uneventful.
Arrived in Siam Reap International airport at 8.05 am. The flight took 2 hours and the time difference was 1 hour. We were picked up by Mr Pallind from the Siam Reap Town Hotel and took us to the hotel. What was confusing was the roads and vehicles.

Some cars were left hand drive, some were right hand (ours were right hand drive), the cars are on the left side of the road. There were so many motorcycles buzzing here and there, if you want to overtake just put on your signal go to the opposite lane and the oncoming traffic would just honk and move slightly out of your way... totally chaotic.

We freshened up and immediately set on the task of discovering the area. The hotel arranged a car to take us around (costed us USD20 for the whole day, anywhere) and off we went to Tonle Sap Lake. It was a huge lake, of which even from the airplane we couldn't see the edges and assumed it was the sea... yeah..yeah...yeah.... my geography sucked.

Anyway, we went on a tour of the lake ( I guess it was just at the edge) costed us USD 10 per person for a boat ride, and our driver Mr Sunpreap and our self appointed guide Mr Pallind followed us. The boat had a very crude navigation system, a rudimetary rudder which sticks out about 3 feet from the back of the boat. We were taken through the Vietnamese water village out to the open 'sea'. Suddenly, the engine spluttered and it stopped middle of nowhere. The boatman was very calm and tinkered with the engine. Meanwhile, small boats congregate around ours, the boat people came to sell us bananas and drinks. All costs "One Dollar, lady". Mr Pallind took pity on a lady with a baby selling bananas.Children of viet descent resting in the boat while mom tries to sell to tourists bananas

Playing and frolicking in the water

Mom and child

Then we realised, there was nothing wrong with the boat, he purposely stop to give the opportunity for the boat people to sell us stuff. We turned back and then stopped at a floating gift shop...

After that, we went to see the West Baray, a water reservoir built in the 11th Century. It was massive and is a testament of the engineering wonders of the ancient civilisation. Many of the locals tourists were frolicking in the waters with huge tyre tubes but I had to refrain. I brought only ONE pair of pants (which I was wearing) and a pair of shorts.

Having coconut drink while resting in the hammockGrilled crows...heheheh

We had lunch by the Baray, a local lunch. Grilled fish (of all kinds), pheasants (perhaps it was a crow), some frogs... I just ate the fish but Shan had a fun time trying all the others, and it did looked yummy. These stalls had resting areas for us to eat and also hammocks for anyone to rest after having food. I guess we were the first few non locals eating there as we invited a few stares from the regulars.

After that we headed back to the hotel. The plan was initially to rest for a while and then head to the ancient ruins for a sunset view but alas, after not sleeping the whole night before and traveling the whole day I knocked out and only woke up at 8pm. We met up with Mr Thean, the local driver who helped to arranged out rooms and went off the sample the nightlife at the pub street.

Secret admirer...hmmm

I am having a severe migraine right now. Thus irritating sms's makes me pissed. The following are the exchange of sms's (re-typed as sent/received) that I got today.

Stalker: Hai Miss Lynn, waype tu? Oncall ke arini...?
Me: Sorry la. Ni siapa ni?
Stalker: Secret admirer..heheheh
Me: Kalau tak nak cakap tak yah sms la. Bazir waktu saya aje. Saya takde masa nak layan
Stalker: Takpela sy sedar sy sape... Suka tgk Miss Lynn//IKHLAS la. Tq reply sms sy td. Aritu nagi sms wish hari raya tk reply pn... Smpi tak tido mlm tunggu. Take care
Stalker: Alaaa.jgn la tak layan saya...Saya sedih nanti.. Camne...? Saya ikhlas la, BETUL...

Maybe if I was a young girl I would be so honoured to get a secret admirer. But at this age I don't think I want to be playing games with guys who appears immature and ball-less. And the worse thing is this person is working in the hospital...must be. No one else would be calling me Miss Lynn.


Anyway, whoever is bored and wants to have fun can call this guy: 019-9545475

Do tell me what happen

Evolution of love

Relationships are a complicated matter but over the past 20 years or so it got more and more complicated. Previously, relationships are usually arranged by families and many fell in love after getting married. These arranged marriages were the norms in the old days especially in societies steep in tradition but has become 'out of favour' nowadays.

Love marriages then became more and more common although parents and families do try to have a hand in it. In the 60's till perhaps the mid-90s, people meet through friends, at work, at school or tuition centres or university, or even shopping complexes (who knows..after a day of lepakking sure you'll notice someone cute)..... This is what I call love on sight (mind you, I am not calling it love at FIRST sight)... as the person sees another person which his or her brain registers as LOVE.

And then, came the INTERNET.... and thus the boom of internet love.

I vaguely remember that in the late 90's I started to get hooked on chatting online. At that time there was no broadband. Only dial-ups, Jaring 1511 or TMnet 1515. Most of us went to the ICQ and mIRC chatrooms. Most of the guys were hunting for sex, some looking for true love whereas majority of the ladies (or gals) were looking for 'true love'....

Well, it was a new world to everyone. The pressures of face-to-face dating was lifted. Those usually tongue tied at the sight of the opposite sex became the smooth talking romeo, with no worries of being themselves. Rejection was a minor worry.

This virtual love sprouted all over and people met and consolidated their relationships in the 'real world' after being comfortable with each others thoughts. For some it worked, but for many it was disastrous. The illusion of love usually falls apart when the first meeting takes place. Our minds play cruel games, we create a perfect partner to complement the virtual thoughts that have been exchanged but alas, reality strikes. The 'perfect partner' turns out not to be perfect at all. And since the mind has created this fantasy many of us could not accept the imperfections and thus were heartbroken.

Few years down the line, broadband comes in. With it comes blogging, photos sharing and full boom of online communities. The chatting arena is still alive and kicking but then, it's mainly for friends or people who have already known each other. With blogging, it exposes outsiders to the small world of the person. Many blog their innermost feelings, ranting day in day out. Some will have fervent admirers, and some are kept private.

Anyway, with this, many skim through blogs to see people with similar mindsets. Again a fantasy is created. Some will gather the courage to make the 'first contact' and then the relationship (as friends or lovers it depends) commences. The difference with the earlier Internet love/ lust is the person has actually vetted through the 'personalities' and sort of found those more acceptable to his or her mindset and thus the likelihood of it to succeed is more.

Plus, since the relative ease in photos hosting many have first vet through the 'looks' of their future 'darlings'... so there is usually no more the shock of the 1st blind date.

Another alternative are online dating services and speed dating but that makes you sound absolutely DESPERATE and desperate is an absolute turn off.

Well, all these are just precursors to the initiation of maybe a meaningful relationship. Life is too fast paced nowadays to go and meet people. Not to say the old way of meeting people is dead but there are some of us who are just plain unlucky to be stuck in an office with a bunch of people who are as lively as a comatose person.

In four days time I will be in Seam Reap, visiting the world famous ruins of Angkor Wat.

The ancient temples of Angkor Wat, Bayon and other ruins of the Khmer Empire rank amongst the world's grandest and most magnificent World Heritage Sites. I will be a trip with my good friend and former room mate Shanta. We have always wanted to go for a holiday together ever since we finished college like 8 years back but never got to it.

So finally, it is happening.

Foreskin hangbags anyone???

Saw this near the Curve. I wonder why they chose this name... Maybe because I am a pervert what I saw was Foreskinstore. Hahaha... but maybe, that was the intent. Who knows??

The foreskin is a retractable double-layered fold of skin and mucous membrane that covers the glans penis. It is usually the part removed in the male circumcision. My youngest brother was so aghast of the thought of going through the circumcision process. He then had imagined that the foreskin would then be tossed out of the window where a pack of hungry dogs would be waiting patiently... to devour part of his ex-anatomy.

Perhaps, if he knows then what we know now he wouldn't be so worried. The foreskin will not be tossed to hungry dogs... the attendant will just pick each and every one and store them in a fridge. The foreskin would then be cured to make foreskin leather which will in the end becomes part of a lady's handbag. Ah what a fine handbag the foreskin will make... previously protecting and covering the symbol of male manhood (yup it's a hood) now it's displayed and caressed by soft female hands. What a thought!

So gals, head up to Foreskinstore, it's your chance to own a former member of the male manhood.

In the physician we trust

The doctor of the future will give no medicine but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet and in the cause and prevention of disease. ~Thomas Edison

A doctor in the family is not necessarily a good thing. It may or not be good for the family but definitely not good for the doctor. A lot of people take it for granted that once they have a relative as a physician they can do whatever they want. The physician will in the end take care of the ailing health of the relative. Usually, they (the relative) are not interested in prevention nor taking care of themselves.

My encounters of such has been quite minimal but there are a few. Many of my fellow colleagues suffer from 'relativitis', a not so new disease inflicted only on doctors by the family members and is mainly infested by severe headache, unnecessary worry and feeling of self-worthlessness.

Take for example myself, my auntie's husband (therefore my uncle by marriage) was a young diabetes. They were married when I was 14, my auntie 24 and uncle was 28. So I basically grew up being close to both of them. Fast forward a few years, I was in medical school and being more aware of medical illness I realise that the family was not in a healthy condition. My auntie being a great cook, was obsessed with feeding all of us, it was how she shows her love. It wouldn't have mattered much if they were also active but being a typical 'nerd' my uncle doesn't exercise nor do much heavy work. At that point, my advice did not matter as I was only a 'medic student'.

By the time I graduate, my interest in diabetic care grew as well as my love for orthpaedics. It's an interest out of frustration on how poorly Malaysian in general precieve diabetes. They always think that by taking medicine they are free to abuse their body and binge on what ever they desire. And when they come to the Orthopaedic ward they are usually in sepsis with fulminating infection of the limbs that we have no choice but to amputate the diseased limb in order to safe their lives.

Back to my family, at this point, uncle has had diabetes for nearly 12 years. The lifestyle had no improvement nor did the diet. I sat one day to have a heart to heart talk with both of them. I told that dietary control is more important plus quitting smoking and the need to exercise. I also told that with a young family he needs to take care of his health - renal failure, eye complications, neurological complications and lastly what I do the best, amputations are real risks. It went like... "yeah, yeah.... I know... don't worry, I am taking care of myself... nowadays I only take 'teh tarik kurang manis"... Uh duh?? Got me so riled up but I decided to leave things alone. I guess since they know me as a kid, I have no right to give any advice.

A year after that he was so ill that they came to see me in the hospital. He has sepsis and uncontrolled sugar level (this was way high). I admitted him to the medical ward (3rd class ward) and I gave him along lecture in 'I told you so'. His eyes and kidneys already showed some impairment. And all his stupid relatives could see was..."hey, why is he admitted to the 3rd class ward?". Still after this incident, he was unrepented and continued his 'wayward' ways. Well, both of them. And everytime I came and visit them I can only shrug my shoulders and let it be. The worse thing is, they'll ask me "Eh ok kan???....memang banyak lemak tapi uncle makan sikit aje..boleh kan???"

But the highlights of it was when we went for a fishing trip in I think was Sabak Bernam. Met somewhere at a the highway, I noticed that his face was skewed. When I inquired, apparently it occured overnight. It seemed like a stroke to me as he also had difficulty in walking. Although I inststed I was right they decided to go ahead fishing at some river and being worried I tagged along. However, as the hours passed he got weaker and weaker. I was very worried but he was as stubborn as a mule.Finally, his own uncle (who is a contractor and businessman) told him " Ekau ado angin ahmar".. and they believed what he said.....and all this while what was I saying....another Uh duh??? I guess apart from being a contractor he was also a part-time bomoh and thus is more revered and trusted than a medically trained doctor.

That was the starting of the end, my uncle had abused his body till he went into end stage renal failure (ESRF), severe retinopathy and thus vision is impaired and has numerous other complications. The ESRF was a jolt into reality but then it is too late. Now he requires thrice weekly dialysis and that is such a hassle and a lifestyle change.

As a niece, I went a did my duty. Arranged all the medical treatment, got my friends to look after him and advise the various aspects of his illness but I kept my distance in taking any part. I cannot be compassionate anymore and furthermore, I would not be taken seriously so why bother.

This is just one chapter in a few family stories but then the gist is the same. Never treat your close family nor friends. They are just using you to justify their illness and actions. 'Relativitis' and 'Friendititis' are real and makes you wonder why did you ever want to be a doctor.

Feels like in the city

A new joint in sleepy hollow Temerloh

The fairest of them all

I know I am biased against whitening products but this takes the cake. "Nivea deodorant - whitening extra care"..Uh duh??? I have a question for the users of this product.... why in hell do you want white or fair armpits??? Is this one of the Asians dilemma??? Just imagine this 'intimate' conversation...

Boy: Ah , honey, I have to dump you???
Girl: But why????*crying*, Am I not pretty and fair ??? (I have bought 1 carton of Fair and Lovely- just to woo you)...Why????
Boy : Sorry, you are pretty and fair BUT.....
Girl : But what???
Boy : Your armpit is not as fair as your face.... It has been my dream to date a girl who has armpits fairer than Snow White

Or perhaps, there is another reason... for us dark skinned people, having white or fair armpits may allow us to walk in the dark without any reflective clothing or even lights... Just roll up your sleeve and raise your arms... your ' armpits will show you the way....

But before you go and get a bottle of this, you'd also better look in the mirror..... If you look like this....

Go ahead and buy it.. You'll need that hunky body to show off your armpit. If not, just keep it covered and hidden under your clothes like all of us, the mere mortals.

Lost for words

I found out this morning that one of my closest friends has just been diagnosed to have cancer of the breast. It was a very uneasy feeling to hear that. This friend of mine was my clinic nurse, a close confidante, and was like a mother to me. I immediately gave her a call of which she confirmed the rumour I heard. She was calm and told that she wanted to tell me after she got the results of the 2nd biopsy. I think I was more distressed during the phone call. But then, I realise that she and I used to look after Chye's oncology clinic and how she used to counsel the patients to be strong. She said that she cried when she was alone but she too remembered what she said to others.

I felt so bad as during Raya I didn't go and visit her at her home in Gombak. I could have alleviate or share her worries then.

My friend has been a very compassionate, righteous and a very helpful person. Karma-wise she would not have any problems. Hopefully all those moments that she used to help people in need would influence God to lessen her burden.

This is not the first time someone close to me is suffer, and I realise it usually happens to good people. Why, I don't know, perhaps I am only close to good people and thus only see them suffer. Maybe it's God's will to test them and see whether they rise to the occasion.

As for me, I am so poor at this. I may help people in my life daily but when it comes to those close to me I am lost. I am lost for words, I am lost in what to do. I know what is the best but am I emphatic when I say what I need to say? I feel like shedding some tears but I know it doesn't help nor do any good.

I seek solace in God for he is the only one who can provide them the ultimate comfort.

Puasa month was a good month for food. Although I rarely ate out but I had loads to eat, and variety too. I guess fasting stimulates my mind on what to eat or cook... And I cooked almost daily..

Alas, Day Three of Eid, back at Temerloh, back at work I have no more drive... i do not feel like eating... although I am hungry.... I love eating... that is my hobby. So loss of appetite is like loss of libido... ah.....depressing.

Maybe I should try sex....That's is another depressing subject!

Selamat Hari Raya

Raya was a quiet event... 1st day was spent at home (most of the time)...eating and sleeping. This is the first time sis is pending Raya at her in-laws in Taiping. So at home was mom, dad, ode, Ijan and I.....

anyway, i went to meet Azrin and Inda at about 10pm with Haidar ...spent 5 hours there.. gossiping as usual..hmmmm left at 3.30am after the Romania and Netherlands football game.

2nd Raya went to visit two friends- Fazah, my 'twin' and Guile, my new friend from the world of Bloggers.

Fazah's place
Arrived at about 12.30noon... had some tidbits while waiting for Avthar... the idiot took 2 hours to come... and he lives in the neighbourhood. Anyway, had some makan... Aiman was as quiet as he can be... and Aisyah was bobbing up and down and trying to make us give her more and more Raya money (she's aiming to get another RM50)...

-monkey aisyah-

aisyah and uncle avthar

Guile's place
Reached at 4.30pm...and soon after Spena arrived... also the same thing happens...Gossip.... and laughing away..fun...left at about 6.30pm

Gist..been a boring Raya cept for meeting up friends....Miss my friends!!!!

What am I looking for (in a man)?

Someone asked me this question a few days back. I was rather amused but then started thinking about it. Ahhhh..... damn tough question. Women are rather complex aren't they...heheheheh.

What I don't like...or would try to avoid?

1. Typical Malay attitude
2. Typical Kelantanese attitude
3. Men whose aim is to mold a woman into their ideals
4. 'Small janggut people'
5. So-called good and 'alim' people (well, this is the same as no 4)
   
6. Guys who like to brag on how good they are....my god, do you think I am stupid and cannot judge for myself
7. Stupid guys (male version of bimbos or what I call Dumbos)...uh duh..
   
8. Scruffy looking fellas (have some decency to shave and comb ones hair laaaa)
9. Men who cannot talk..... this i may give a bit of slack as they may be a bit awed when in my presence...
   
10. Men who have no balls to say "why don't we go out".... and instead send sms "blh knl awak ke??"
    

What would be a 5 star sign in a guy?? (Bonus link points)

1. Speaks and writes good English
2. Athletic and outdoor type of person
3. Well read (not a nerd if no 2 is taken into account) so that I can learn something new from them
4. Passionate about what they do .e.g work, hobbies etc and know what they want
   
5. Confident of themselves and appreciate my intelligence and not be threatened by it (I am a smart woman,,, occasionally I may act like a stupid bimbo but that is usually when I am bored or when I want to test a person)
   
6. Looks...NOT!!!.... Heheheh... I am shallow but looks most probably is not the main criteria... It is what you call a beautiful mind that is more enticing...

This is a general guideline but then it really depends on chemistry.

Raya shopping

I left work at about 11 am on Thursday to go shopping with Guile. Had a target....I needed shoes.

My Scholl loafers are almost at their death bed. The sole are cracked and when I went to the wet market earlier this week the water seeped through...euwww... that was the sign I needed to make me go shoe hunting.

Anyway, we headed to the Curve.... 1st Metrojaya- saw a few Scholls but the design wasn't that great. Moved over to Ikano towards Crocs- wanted to see the new Crocs Sassari... so beautiful... tried 2 sizes..size 5 and 6... 6 felt a bit loose so I went with size 5. Wore it immediately... the sole is so comfy, however the sides started biting. Thinking, should I have bought size 6?? ah RM 169 too late.

my Crocs Sassari

Then we went to One Utama (old wing)... Ah... sale at Jusco... saw Scholl, Clarks and finally Snowfly.... Design wise I loved the Snowfly...and so comfy...soft leather. Ah what the heck, I only buy shoes once in two years.... and this is only RM153 (after 30% discount). So the total damage is RM322... (thanks to Guile...I think she secretly works in the shoe making industry *wink*)

the comfy snowfly

Next shoe shopping - Raya 2009

Me, myself and I

I have a friend who is currently in the dumps as he feels betrayed by the one he loves. As a person, he wanted a companion to be with him through thick and thin, till death do you part. However, things did not go as planned and now he feels he's alone. Alone in this world of uncertainties.

He is not alone, as he has friends who cares ( and I am one of them). Maybe we cannot give the support a lover can but we still care. I am one who believes we are the master of our own happiness and destiny. We dictate what would affect and weakens us. WE! I!

Therefore, the comes the statement " Me, myself and I"... It is my motto in life. After a few life changing experiences and relationships... being crushed to the core and having to pick up the pieces of my life and soul I decided that enough was enough. My happiness should not be dictated by people around me, it should be by me. If a person makes me sad and unhappy then they should not be in my life...

Now, I am a selfish b%tch... an ice-queen. But who cares what people say.

As for my friend, I hope he pulls through this.It is a rough road ahead I must admit. But then that is what makes us a better person

For my friend

A friend asked for my opinion in some matters of the heart. Complicated matters which is therefore never straightforward. It is not a matter of black or white nor yes or no.

I may be the person's friend but when I am asked such matters I cannot based my decision on my friend. I need to take into account every possible reasons of what has happen. And tell my opinion based on what is the truth. I may have acted unmerciful and blunt when saying what I said.

But then, I guess it is my responsibility as a confidante, as a friend, if being blunt is what it takes for me to get it through the thick skull (maybe whacking with a mallet would be more fruitful) then I have to do it.

There comes a time when a person has to do what a person has to do. It may not be what other people expect of them but then, the decision-maker would have to live with the end results. It may not be a fairytale but then at the crossroads not one would know the final outcome. Retrospective analysis is a futile exercise except to prevent similar mistakes but the most important thing is to make the best out of everything.

So to my dear frind, I know what I say may be hurtful, but I do care and I hope you will pull through this.

ungu-kekasih gelapku

What does this song mean?

This is my intepretation.

A guy is in a relationship with a woman which he truly loves. However, because of circumstances he is unable to reveal or profess his love to anyone but her. She thus has to stay in the shadows of his life.

Don't know why but I am depressed

Melayu Baru

With regards to my previous post, let me tell a brief story of the old frail lady. She has been bedridden for a long time and is taken care of by her one daughter. She has many other children but all were too busy with their work and family to look after her.

Anyway, she developed an infection and gangrane of her foot about a week back. Her daughter wanted to bring her to the hospital but her siblings refused as they asked her to wait till after Raya. But since the foot got worse and became smelly, she was adamant and thus came into our care.

This was the story given to us by her daughter

I am so sad that this is happening to this lady, majority of her family members can't be bothered to look after her.... she would be sad too if she was mentally lucid.

And what is this attitude of after Raya... what is the great deal with Raya, bloody hell they rather have a decomposing corpse at home so that everyone can be there happy there together taking photos with the ailing grandmother.. Or is it that having her in the hospital is so inconvenient and spoils everyone's holiday plan?

During Chinese New Year we see the trend where parents are pushed to the hospital to stay while their family goes off holidaying... those who have served in the ER of government hospitals would know... but are the Malays following suit???

I may rambling about something that I may be totally wrong about. I know nothing about this lady nor her family and thus may have gotten it all wrong. But assuming my assumptions are right, what is happening to the so-called caring Malay society??

How do you decide??

Life as a doctor is pretty mundane...Day in day out you will do almost the same thing, rounds at 8am, clinic at 10...blah..blah..blah But there are occasions like this past week where it has been an adrenaline rush. It is meant not in a good way. As I mentioned earlier, there has been an exodus of patients to the ER over this week... and this is not yet Raya. But what I am rambling about is not on how busy it will be etc etc etc....

I have been practicing medicine for the past 8 years.... but one thing I have never gotten the hang off is how make the decision whether to go for active resuscitation of a patient or not. Tonight I have been ask to make that call. A new admission who is elderly and has multiple medical problems was admitted with gas gangrane (a potentially fatal infection) of the leg. She has been bedridden for months and is taken care of by the daughter. Anyway, her pressure crashed tonight as she was in sepsis. My medical officer after resuscitating her called me to make the decision for active resuscitation or not.

Ah, I was in two minds. First and foremost I have no idea of the patient and her social support and thus can I make the decision there and then. I asked for active resuscitation but went myself to asses the situation. There lie a frail looking lady gasping for air.

Ah...shit.... next running through my mind is her quality of life.... can I ever improve it? Should I prolong her life in this current vegetative state? But then who am I to make the decision? Is the family accepting her very ill condition? Things like cost and quality of life is something hard for me to quantitate. 8 years never got me comfortable in making that decision. If I know the patient longer perhaps I wouldn't hesitate but this lady is 'new' to me.

We sent her to ICU. There I met her daughter who was crying away. I saw the old lady in the ICU.... we intubated her. Now I feel guilty, I should have the guts to say NO. I am making her miserable, but how can I let go. Ah I don't know, I don't know, I don't know...

And now at 1.30 I cannot sleep... I have done her wrong. If I was in her shoes I would want people to let me go and die in peace.... Ah......Life is depressing...

My first love

Had to have this last night.... pucuk paku goreng. This was the 1st dish I ever learnt to make. As a 9 year old I would pester mom to make this (hmmm to think about it... this was my first favourite dish ...ever)... Anyway, mom told me if I like it so much I have to learn how to make it myself.... and thus my subsequent love with cooking. After that, whenever anyone had a craving for this I was the official cook...

Drive Safely

It has been a busy weekend and I have another two days to go before I finish my call. When my colleague Su told me that oncall in the puasa month is horrendous with severe injuries and bad accidents.. The past three days proved that.

Today tops it up. At about 6.30 pm I received a call from my MO informing me there has been an accident involving a family of 5. What made me really sad was this incident involved kids of 4 years, 3 years and 5 month. The father had spinal injury and may be paraplegic after this. ahhh...such a young family. What i cannot tahan the most is hearing the baby cry and cry...

I am so sad.

When I hear the radio advert on to be safe on the road I usually laugh... but it is true. It is usually the ones around us that is affected when we drive carelessly or when we are involved in an accident.

So dearest friends,

Drive defensively, drive safely
Take a break when you need it
Hope you will reach your destination and back safely

Selamat Balik Kampung
SElamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri